Thursday, April 8, 2010

Fever induced Lucidity

As I was showering today I had a thought. I have been wrestling with how things tie together. I am a painter in oils, egg tempera, and ink. I make and use pastels. I draw with pencil and charcoal. I knit, sew, cook, and dye yarn. It is not just MAKING. It is decision making. I have an internal monologue when I work. "Make this color warmer, or add more white"...I am literally saying this in my head. When I knit, I think about how the pattern should look. I know the decrease should come at a certain point, and I mentally remind myself to check the fabric at the right moment. I am making decisions. These decisions decide whether a painting goes in a gallery or lingers in a closet. The decide if yarn becomes a garment or gets balled up a hidden in frustration. Sometimes I feel like it is "my gut", that I just feel a color is right. That is one of the reasons I like pastel, just for the thrill of choosing the exact right color.
I do not think it is just me. I am sure professional athletes do this. Our lives are a series of decisions, and perhaps, when you look at my paintings, you see my life.

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